Hi, guys. Here is my heteronormative-as-fuck list of men to not fuck in 2k16.
Man-Literature-For-Men Man - Are Hemingway/DFW/Franzen bad authors? IDK. Life is complicated and shit, but your top author list should cite something not from the White Man’s Handbook for Looking Learned
The Christopher Hitchens/Malcolm Gladwell/TED Talks Guy - This man is gonna yell at you in an Olive Garden about how he took philosophy 101 and condescend to you about your worldview. None of this in 2k16. You want to act like you know something, you better actually know something.
The Ayn Rand Lover/Libertarian - Libertarians are people who read a Nietzsche quote on a desk calendar once and cemented up their worldview. No emotional children in 2k16.
The Male Feminist - This man is gagging to call you a cunt in bed. And maybe that floats your boat but there’s gonna be some half-hearted oral to follow so… he doesn’t get this one. Also, he WILL talk over you at a party about bell hooks. This man is the worst man because he has so assured himself that he is the best man.
Guys with No Guy Friends - In 2k15, we learned to back away from the woman who “doesn’t get along with other women.” The same is true of men who “don’t get along with other men.” They’re relying on platonic women for all the emotional labor in the world and aren’t gonna have a good relationship with you either.
A Man All About Space-Based Franchises - We fucked enough dweebs in 2k15. Star Wars is gonna leave the box office and, frankly, “nerd culture” is founded on talking loudly and sweatily over women. It is fine to like nerd shit but don’t be all about it.
“I’m Working On…”Guy - Unless that phrase ends in “my car,” run away from that man. He’s gonna be working on that play/movie/screenplay/adaptation of/book/novel/comic book for the rest of his days without any forward momentum or planning. He’s not “talking to” some agents. He’s talking to his mom and his diary.
The Wet Mop - This guy had hopes and dreams and then he fell down in a puddle. You’re walking around like a person who has her shit figured out, and he wants some of that. But you’re gonna try to lean that wet mop against something and it is gonna fall down again twice as hard. In 2k16, just leave that mop on the floor. Let it figure its own shit out.
The No-Bed Guy - Does this guy have a twin bed? Does he have a mattress on the floor? Does he have a futon? Does he have a mattress on a box spring on the floor? Does this guy have an air mattress? Does this guy just sleep on a pile of ex-girlfriend’s old scarves? Do not sleep with this man. If he isn’t bothering to invest in a bed frame and a bed you can comfortably fuck in, he won’t bother to invest in you.
The Finance Guy - Do not fuck this man. Have this man take you to dinner, and don’t fuck him. Have this man buy you some stuff, and don’t fuck him. Make this man take you to France, and don’t fuck him. Make him buy you a car, and don’t fuck him. Don’t fuck this man. It will drive him nuts, and he’ll think about you constantly when he is in the suburbs with two kids that have the names he thought about giving to boats, and you’re doing your part to destroy the capitalist system from the inside. Plus, he is 100% going to be bad at sex.
A Man with An Active Reddit Account - I do not need to explain this one.
A Man Who Reads Richard Dawkins - No one wants a man playing devil’s advocate between the sheets.
The Man with Six Shirts - This goes back to No-Bed Guy. If a man cannot invest in himself, he cannot invest in you and you have THINGS TO DO. You have things to do and places to be and this man owns SIX SHIRTS. Do not reform this man in 2k16. Leave this man where he is.
The Man Who Mentions High School - Why? Why is he doing this? Does he have no plans for 40? For 30? Does he miss the days when his mom made him lunch and his only responsibilities were thinking about how he could be an astronaut but not actually doing anything to be an astronaut? Get away from this man.
A Man with a Hoverboard - Either you are accidentally considering fucking a teen or you are considering fucking a lawyer. Either one should be illegal. No men who embrace high-cost fads in 2k16. They’re gonna think they can “trade up” at some point.
This list will be ongoing, because men keep being alive in new and terrible ways.
If you ever think for a moment that there is a shred of decency among the feminist movement, refer to this post. This is how these people think of half the human population
so what im getting from this is “dont date a guy who has money, just exploit him” from 10, 15, and “don’t date a guy who doesn’t have money, because you can’t exploit him” from 13, 9
Don’t date book worms…because you don’t like what they read.
Don’t date atheists in general because…you apparently hate atheists or something.
Don’t date Libertarians…because they might read and quote Nietzsche who’s considered to be the greatest philosopher of the 20th century.
Don’t date male feminists….because even though they kowtow to you and say all the right things you still don’t like them.
Don’t date guys without friends….because apparently having no friends means you’re probably dangerous which would really bode well with people who don’t have friends and don’t need to hear that crap.
Don’t date guys who like StarWars….because despite feminists jumping up and down saying “I’M A GIRL AND I LIKE STARWARS TOO SHITLORD AND IM TELLING ANITA ON YOU!!!!” they still say that all StarWars fans are fat sweaty nerds living with their moms and don’t see the contradiction behind that.
Don’t date guys who are working on something….because they’re going to spend time on something that gives them fulfillment in life instead of focusing every waking hour on you.
Don’t date guys who are down in the dumps because their ambitions didn’t work out…because they’re apparently going to get back up and try again sometime but might fall down again and why do anything if there’s the risk of failure. Entire history of human scientific and technological achievement? What’s that? That’s not part of my political science course tee hee.
Don’t date guys who don’t have a bed….because then where would you fuck?
But also don’t fuck guys who can not only afford a bed but can also afford to take you on trips or out to eat because you’re a putrid leeching cunt.
Don’t date guys who are currently on Reddit…because it doesn’t matter what subreddit they’re on even if it’s the most politically neutral thing possible you just decided Reddit = bad and will judge everyone by that minor fact.
Again, no atheists because they don’t like religion and that definitely includes feminism at this point. Dawkins is such a meanie poo poo head anyways!
Again, don’t date poor people because you’re a materialistic cunt who doesn’t value other people as human beings but only containers of money.
Don’t date people who look back at highschool fondly. It might have been the turning point where they decided what path they want to take in life or maybe had a bond with someone that had a grand impact but….you think it’s dumb so don’t.
Don’t date men with hoverboards because…they’re dangerous I guess? They’re expensive and if you aren’t paying for Katie, you’re not worth it.
Don’t worry Katie, I wouldn’t date you either.
AKA - Katie’s “List of reasons to never date anyone who calls themselves a Feminist”
>Nietzsche icon
See, you’re already triggering Katie right there! You’re probably also a Libertarian (This is the first time I’ve seen Nietzsche linked specifically to Libertarians) or an atheist who reads books and is currently working on a project of some sort!
Don't think of the blog as a bunch of bullshit ramblings by some jackass on the internet, think of it as a 10/10 citizen kane of video games indie game but with more cheeky darwins.
